My Spoken Word Piece

By request, I’m posting my first every spoken word piece (the one I performed at Voices of Venus in August of 2009):

I want to feel.

I want to FEEL.

I want to be overwhelmed, swayed, scattered and held.
I want to feel energy burning inside of me
until it explodes
into hues of passionate red, fiery yellow and melancholic blue.

I want to think, I want to contemplate
I want to un-think and re-arrange
I want to see your equations, your creations
I want to be swayed by kindness and stirred
by the occasional moment
Rated R

I just want a moment when I can breathe in
and breathe in and breathe in
until I can’t breathe in anymore
because my lungs are full and my heart is full and my brain is numb
and I don’t want to let go and let it all out.
I don’t want to let go.

But I have to let go
Because moments like these, they pass
and when they do, I look down
And all I see is pavement and concrete
and my feet are moving forward because….

I have to go to work.
I have to get there, sit in a chair, type at keyboard
make recommendations and file reports
and escape every now and then for a cigarette
The only thing that saves me each day are the moments when I can daydream.

To think about her poem and her wish for inspiration
To think about the ballet dancer who danced in her sleep
while my hand rested on her hip
To think about magic carpets and castles
and the trolls who live under the wishing wells
To think about science
and philosophy
and… Shostakovich.

I am your success.
This is what we have created.
A parade of masks and acronyms and titles that may describe our menial tasks
but say absolutely nothing about who we are
Overworked and overtired
A society that networks and fucks
A society of dress codes and liquid courage
because we’re so afraid to get to know each other
we’re afraid of falling in love
we’re terrified of exploration
and what it might actually feel like to be ALIVE.

We tell our children, “stay, live a practical life”
when we should be saying, “go, explore, live an important life”
and even then, sometimes, when we choose to live our life with passion
we’re confronted with cries of envy
and jealousy
from a majority
that demands from us
an apology.
They say
“How dare you choose not to suffer like me!”

Tu veux que je m’excuse de t’avoir dit ce que je pense?
Nous sommes excusiennes
On se repousse, on ment et on se tue
et ensuite, on prie pour le bonheur
“Je vous salut Marie, pleine de grâce”
Pleine d’excuses.

Mais ça, ce n’est pas moi.
J’aime et je rêve et je n’ai pas besoin d’être pardonner
Non monsieur, je n’ai pas besoin d’être sauver.
La vie est belle monsieur
Parce que moi, monsieur
Je rêve.

I dream and I love and for that
I will not apologize.

I want to be your audience
So that I can create, so that I can express
So that you can create, so that you can express
I want to trip the light fantastic
and love with fury
until the day, when the only thing my heart will be
is an organic muscle that has ceased to beat.

It may happen that the day that I die
a surgeon will delicately open up my chest,
take a look at my heart and he will say
“hmmm, this is what went wrong”

But while I’m alive
while I’m still here
I want to be able to say
“Wow! That’s what went right!”

I want to feel.
I want to feel, to listen, to close my eyes
and imagine.

And at the end of the day
I want to put my arm around you and laugh
and look you in the eye and say
“I love you”

Because you have inspired me to stand before you today
absolutely terrified.
But,
for the right reason.
And for that,
I thank you.

Related posts:

1. What spoken word has taught me about women