I did it my way…

I have several dreams… dreams I’ve ignored, dreams I’ve let go, dreams for later. 

Later is now.

Oh, there’s been so much that I’ve been wanting to write about but I haven’t been able to sit for a long time as of late.  After work hours, I don’t feel like being around my laptop anymore.  I’m constantly trying to find a comfortable position to work in throughout the day so at night, I just want to lay down with a book.  Laptops are not made for people with back problems.

Writing is work.  It takes time.  My blog articles are typically rushed.  I don’t care for them as much as I should.  I’ve placed much more weight on my private thoughts and my personal articles, the ones I don’t share with anyone.  But I think that will change.  I think it’s important to show who I am to the public instead of a watered down, laissez-faire version of me.  I have to let go of the urgency to want to contribute to my blog frequently instead of writing more intelligent posts.

I read an article recently that said that the popularity of a blog depends not on content but on consistency and frequency of posting.  The bloggers that publish daily articles, no matter how terrible the writing or the content, get more hits than those who publish thoughtful articles here and there.  That’s hardly surprising. It is a fast food nation that we live in – I want it now, I want it short and sweet.

I’m composing this article on paper with a pen.  I’m writing in cursive.  I’ve heard that they don’t teach kids how to write in cursive anymore. Well, there’s another failure of our education system.  My pen is flying from curve to curve, line to line, from swirl to swirl to a trail of ink that crossed the letter “t” in a rush.  If I had to print my thoughts right now, I wouldn’t be able to keep up.  I would feel limited.  Cursive is a tool.  It’s efficient and it’s practical, especially in situations where a keyboard isn’t an option.  It is also beautiful.  When we take away beauty from children, we deprive them of humanity.  Teaching them only how to print makes them even more dependent on technology.

I was watching Survivorman over the weekend.  The host, Les Stroud, demonstrated a survival situation where he had modern camping equipment.  In this case, it was some sort of automatic heating meal, so he didn’t have to make a fire to have a warm dinner.  He said that modern equipment is neat but he doesn’t like it because it takes away the need to learn how to be self-reliant.

My recent experiences have taught me a lot about self-reliance.  My priorities have changed dramatically and will continue to evolve.  I’ve lost weight, I’ve completely changed my diet.  I’ve even relearned how to breathe properly.  On my spare time, I am reading books on nutrition, on science, on history.  I am learning the history of medicine so I can understand how we came to the mess that we’re in right now.  I can also appreciate our modern knowledge, tools and drugs.  I’ve bought myself a really good pair of running shoes and I now look pain in the face and say “you’re not gonna stop me”.

And… finally… I’m feeling creative again.  I have not been able to draw or sculpt or write anything interesting since I quit smoking.  But now I feel it again.  I feel beauty.  I feel the need to answer questions by examining them creatively.  That’s powerful and it’s about time.

You’ll learn more about the changes occuring in my life as I adapt to writing pen on paper and then transcribing it to my blog on ‘better days’.  Eventually, some of you won’t recognize me.  I plan on issuing challenges, creating contests, encouraging community events.  I’ve spoken about all of this before.  But I have a bad habit of rushing into things and then not being able to follow through because I have too much on my plate.  I have a list now.  (Above and beyond what’s already on my 101 list!)  But this is different, this isn’t for me.  It’s for everyone else.

It’s when you get so ill that you don’t know if you will ever get the chance to realize your full potential that you end up deciding that realizing your full potential isn’t scary anymore.  In fact, it’s all you want – to do it right this time.

I only know half of what’s wrong with me.  When I find out the other half, and if it’s fixable then I’m there – I’m plowing forward.  I’m excited.  This is change that I want: change of habits, change of ambitions, change of friends, change of focus.. and better blog articles!  But don’t count on them to appear daily.  I don’t give a shit about popularity. 

And as the Frank Sinatra song goes, in the end, I just want to be able to say “I did it my way”.  That’s all.

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